Tribute to Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch passed on today at the age of 47. He had a wonderful message and so many got to experience because he made a choice to be positive at a time when his world was closing in on him.

I haven't see the full length lecture. But this 10 minute version on Oprah says alot to me. I hope it'll speak to you too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BODHsU3hDo4

When the light isn't bright, it's still there

I presume ants can't see. And like ants heading towards their next food source, we are all often guilty of going about our narrow pathways towards the little invisible goals we set for ourselves.

Take for example an aspiring mummy pleaser. He'll do is do everything he can to prove to his mother that he can be a success in life. He'll take two jobs, pretend to be intellectual but in the end all he's looking forward to is her golden approval. He might think he knows what he's doing but does he?

Or take the obsessive housewife who's always busy cleaning up and making sure everything's in order. Does she really like things clean or is she just looking for the approval of someone else?

The examples may vary but the idea is quite simple. We all do things for some reason or another, think we do it for reason A but do it for reason B. And we often don't realise until something smacks us in the face.

Along the path of our feeble objective more often than not we'll get some sort of sign that tells us to slow down and reexamine what we're up to. I, like most who will read this will attest to this. And like the rest of you, I too am guilty of overlooking the signs. Then when the cookie crumbles or the back breaks, we'd say "why didn't I notice" or "I should have known better than that."

When I felt the stain a few days ago, I ignored it and went on to complete what I was doing. I didn't expect it to get worse - or rather I didn't bother to stop and consider the consequences of my actions. I just move on - and paid the price.

I'm still paying the price. And if Doc B is right, I will continue the installments for a long time to come.

For me, two good things came out of this. Firstly I very quickly learnt that I should consider the repercussion of my actions not only before embarking on it, but also in mid stream.

Secondly, I learnt to be positive and happy regardless. Hope for the best and expect the worse. What's already happened has already happened. Don't fret, just learn. Learning is something I'm learning to do again.

It's easy to imagine that everything's dark and there's no end in sight. But even when the light isn't bright, it's not to say that the light isn't there.

It is. Open your eyes and you'll see.

3am

Matchbox 20s 3am is playing on my mind at this point in time. It's got lots to do with the fact that it's 3:40am and for some reason I can't sleep. The weather is rather warm tonight but not enough to cause problems. No explanation for the insomnia today.

I've got an early morning ahead of me and a long day that'll follow. The good news is that I'll be seeing her alot so the day will be miles better than it would without her presence. I don't know what it is about her, but she always knows how to extract happy me. And that too in more ways than one.

Priorities

Over the course of one's life, one is likely to come to certain junctions and crossroads. At these life intersections, one is called to make a decision. Sometimes the decision made at these junctions don't matter at all as whichever way one would chose to go would lead back to the same, or at least similar place. However there are some other junctions, when taken takes you to the land of no return. Once the choice has been made, you're gonna have to live with it.

Then there are those U-turns. When you're on one road you decide that that's not the right way to go and you go back and start over.

I don't know where the junctions, intersections or U-eys are on my road of life. But I figured that when I come to them, I might as well be ready with some beacons to help me on my journey. To do this, I am going to prioritise.

I suppose this begs 2 questions. Firstly: Why prioritise and subsequently: why now? The answer to the first question is rather simplistic. In order to know what to do, you must first know where you want to go. I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we're at the store and we've got no idea what we wanted to get in the first place. Just then you think: "I should have made a list". This is my list.

Why now is a question that's more of a challenge. I suppose now because I think its about time I get what I want. I admit that I'm somewhat jealous of some people I know. They've come from humble beginnings and now are really on their way to the top. At the same time there are those who haven't really gone anywhere despite having numerous opportunities hurled their way. That said, I suppose the now is because I don't wanna wait any longer. In essence, the why now question is in itself a crossroads on its own.

Before I look at raking my priorities, I'd like to visit what areas in my life I consider important. Off the top of my head and in no particular order they are:

- Career
- The significant other
- God
- Family
- Friends
- Wealth
- Health

Looking at this short list I must say that I am already at odds where my priorities lie. It's difficult for me to say that my career is more important than God, or that health is more important than my lovely significant other.

I'm going to call the following my first draft. Using the method of comparing each item to the next and prioiritising & sorting each point against the next, I have come up with the following list:

1.Career
2.The significant other
3.Family
4.God
5.Health
6.Wealth
7.Friends

I can easily say that my current priorities aren't in the order above. Time for action. Time to get no 1 in place 1st.

Starting now.

When you say nothing at all

When Ronan sang the abovementioned song, he fused it well and made it romantic. The person says nothing, yet everything is said in that silence. Everything warm, beautiful, special and endearing. When I said nothing at all, it didn’t feel like any of those things. Not one.

As I joined the hour-long conversation, I realized that I really had nothing much to say. Nothing to contribute and nothing to add. I wanted to say something but there was no content. To add insult to injury, I wasn’t consulted. Nobody asked for my opinion – although I had my name slotted in every now and again.

Given that I am no expert in the subject, I was expecting to learn quick. There’s no doubt I’m learning but I think my pace is disappointing. I expected to be a pro by now but I think I’m only halfway there.

What really irked me though was the fact that the compatriot got consulted often. And as the conversation went on, I found that this wasn’t the first time that compatriot was consulted without me. I could draw it down to two possibilities; either compatriots close proximity to jack russle is of advantage to her or jack russle doesn’t trust me enough to get my opinion. Logically I should bother as compatriot is more experienced. But what bothers me is if this will affect my performance outcome.

And I can’t jeopardize that. Rephrase: I will not let that get jeopardized.

She said I must stand up and be counted. I can’t allow myself to be intimidated by them. What’s there to be afraid of anyway? I think deep down I new this but the words coming from someone else – especially her – makes a big difference. Much like finding something in the dark with the help of a torch. It was there all along but now it’s clear.

I’m now planning my assault.

Home rebound

This is overdue but MAFU liked my thoughts on the video and linked me on their site. Here's an excerpt of what they said:

"pete's lyrics are almost never 'in your face'. he tends to prefer lines that require a bit of thought to decipher, but once they are decoded, they stay in one's head for good. when we discussed the same issue that you wrote about in your blog entry just after the song was released, he said as much - and that he does not like (nor write) lyrics that don't require thought, or those that are so clear and direct as to prevent the possibility of listener interpretation. I believe his exact words were 'lack of reflective space' - whatever that means...


as for the singers sounding malaysian, we agree with you completely - we are malaysians, so why should we sound any different? Again, it is something pete feels very strongly about. his answer to folks who comment on how his diction sounds insufficiently 'proper' (invariably meaning 'american') is: "do i look american to you?'. :-)


anyway, thanks for writing one of the most thought-provoking blog entries we have read on this important issue.


you have been linked."

I feel good.