Wednesday, July 9, 2008

When you say nothing at all

When Ronan sang the abovementioned song, he fused it well and made it romantic. The person says nothing, yet everything is said in that silence. Everything warm, beautiful, special and endearing. When I said nothing at all, it didn’t feel like any of those things. Not one.

As I joined the hour-long conversation, I realized that I really had nothing much to say. Nothing to contribute and nothing to add. I wanted to say something but there was no content. To add insult to injury, I wasn’t consulted. Nobody asked for my opinion – although I had my name slotted in every now and again.

Given that I am no expert in the subject, I was expecting to learn quick. There’s no doubt I’m learning but I think my pace is disappointing. I expected to be a pro by now but I think I’m only halfway there.

What really irked me though was the fact that the compatriot got consulted often. And as the conversation went on, I found that this wasn’t the first time that compatriot was consulted without me. I could draw it down to two possibilities; either compatriots close proximity to jack russle is of advantage to her or jack russle doesn’t trust me enough to get my opinion. Logically I should bother as compatriot is more experienced. But what bothers me is if this will affect my performance outcome.

And I can’t jeopardize that. Rephrase: I will not let that get jeopardized.

She said I must stand up and be counted. I can’t allow myself to be intimidated by them. What’s there to be afraid of anyway? I think deep down I new this but the words coming from someone else – especially her – makes a big difference. Much like finding something in the dark with the help of a torch. It was there all along but now it’s clear.

I’m now planning my assault.

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